Tuesday, May 29, 2012

What's The First Thing You Do When You Decide To Get a Pink/ Purple Peek-A-Boo?

Convince your two trusty sidekicks to get one too, of course.  Not that it took much convincing.

Earlier this month I was talking to one of our SCC Cosmetology instructors when I noticed she had a pink/ purple peek-a-boo.  When I asked her about it she told me some students in her class had done it for her and they could do the same for me as well. 

Allow high school students to dye part of my hair pink and purple?!?!  Sure, why not?  Does that make me a woman who likes to live on the edge or a woman that's already gone over it?  When I mentioned it to The Girls they were on board too.  So Friday we headed for Career Academy of Hair Design in Rogers to get some color.

The whole process took about 1 1/2 hours.

The students did a wonderful job and it turned out great! 

While we were there I happened to run into a woman I hadn't seen in almost thirteen years, a woman who attended my wedding and has known L and his family longer than she's known me.  In the process of catching up, the topic of my current marital status came up and the following conversation ensued...

Woman: So are you married?
Me: Yes.
Woman: To who?
Me: L.
Woman: Still?

L and I are still trying to figure out which one of us should be insulted.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Happy 13th Birthday NG!

May 22, 2012
May 22, 1999
Much to her joy NG has become an official teenager. Isn't it amazing how the things that thrill our children's hearts cause our very own to stutter?!?! 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Me On A Soapbox: Michelle On The Line

There are currently a total of four phones in my house; a land line, my addictive iPhone, L's mobile phone, and the cellphone we used to tag GG for migratory purposes.  Tonight, in less than a 30 minute span, every one of those phones rang.  Every call was a recorded message from Michelle Duggar, mother extraordinaire, with a very important and enlightening political message.  To be fair the only adjective I can actually verify in that statement is political since we all hung up before we could be enlightened and I don't know that I can sell the idea that anything connected with politics is important.

I personally don't have a problem with Michelle Duggar or the way she chooses to live her life.  It doesn't bother me that she and her husband, Jim Bob Duggar, have 19 children; they're not expecting me to help raise them, they don't expect my (or your) tax dollars to help support them, and therefore it's none of my business.  I don't agree with all of their conservative views (some, but not all) but I do respect their conviction to stand for what they believe it.  I have actually met Michelle and various members of her family on more than one occasion and will say that her 6 children (this is the smallest number I've ever seen her with) are better behaved than most other parents' 2 children.

No, my problem is not with Michelle Duggar or her lifestyle choices.  My problem is that I do not appreciate when people call me with something that (although they may consider it to be important) I consider worthless information and a great waste of my time.

I do not need Michelle to call and tell me who or what to vote for, I have grandparents for that.  I do not need someone to call and sell me siding or windows, I know where to find the Lowe's store.  I don't want to complete a phone survey on how I feel about television viewing in my home, if you're really interested you can click here and I'll tell you how I feel about television viewing in my home.  I'm not interested in your free cruise or trip to Disneyland, because I know you don't get anything for nothing (not even the free stuff).  I know there is currently no problem with my account (because I do NOT have an account with you), and therefore will not be returning your very urgent, very well meaning, somewhat fraudulent phone call.  I do not need you to help me find God, I have not lost Him (however, if you're having trouble locating Him I would be happy to help you search).  I do not wish to make a donation to your charity of choice, I already make donations to the charities of my choice (but if you're feeling particularly generous I'll be happy to accept your donation on behalf of my charity). 

So if you're preaching your support for something or someone, selling something, surveying something, giving something onlyfreebeforeyoureadthefineprint away, trying to protect my nonexistent account, offering to help me look for my He's still were He's always been God, or requesting a donation for an itsimportantenoughtoaskformymoneybutnotimportantenoughtogiveanyofyourown charity then... don't call me I'll call you. 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

This Is The One Where I Brag A Little

OK, maybe more than a little but just go with it.

The Girl's official last day of school is tomorrow.  However, tomorrow NG has a check up for her eyes, and since GG has already completed her final exams, tomorrow morning we will official kick off summer break with an all-girls roadtrip to Little Rock.

Both Girls have held excellent grades this year.  Today NG received awards for Social Studies and Math and earlier this week GG received awards for Geometry and Biology. 

Last semester GG applied for the 2012 Prudential Spirit of Community Award.   She wasn't selected for that award, but on Monday she was notified that she had been awarded the President's Volunteer Service Award. 

So today we've bid this school year so long, farewell, Au revoir, Auf Wiedersehen, adieu, goodbye.  Tomorrow we'll say bonjour, guten tag, hola, aloha, kon'nichiwa, hi ya'll to summer break, and this weekend we're going shopping for celebratory shoes. 

On another note...the girls had this waiting for me when I got home this afternoon.

Can I get an aww?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Giggle: Some Mother's Day Humor

When I picked GG up from school Friday she informed me she had found some "mother humor" on the internet and had printed it off to share with me.  The first one she printed, What My Mother Taught Me, was actually one I had in the funny file.  The other two, Why God Made Moms and A Mother's Dictionary Of Meanings, I didn't have copies of but felt they should definately be shared. 

What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: don't exaggerate!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home."
My mother taught me HUMOUR: "When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING: "You're going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
My mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

Why God Made Moms
(why God made moms answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions)

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones.  Then they used mostly string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because my dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and at home, and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays the bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

Mother's Dictionary Of Meanings

Dumbwaiter: one who asks of the kids would care to order dessert
Feedback: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots
Full Name: what you call your child when you're mad at him
Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right
Hearsay: what toddlers do when someone mutters a dirty word
Independent: how we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say
Puddle: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it
Show Off: a child who is more talented than yours
Sterilize: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva
Top Bunk: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas
Two-Minute Warning: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises
Whodunit: none of the kids that live in your house

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

We Were Warriors! Really Really Muddy Warriors!

Last weekend the four of us were in Missouri for the Kansas City Warrior Dash 2012.  GG and I were registered to compete complete (we hoped), and L and NG went to cheer us on. 

We arrived in Kansas City around 5 pm, checked into our free hotel room, and GG immediately ran right into (and bounced off of) the mirrored closet door.  Yep, I was feeling real good about the prospect of her leaping over fire the next day!

We were up early the next morning eager to see what the day would hold.  The Girls and I sunscreened up and did our makeup while L snapped pictures and fought with Big Momma.

After a hearty breakfast (because if you're planning to wallow in mud while crawling under barbed wire you better eat your Wheaties) we were off to the airport to catch the shuttle bus. 

After picking up our packets and getting ready for our wave...

we took some time to look around.

We saw an Angry Bird...

some cave people...

and the Ass Family. 

As soon as the 9:00 wave was underway GG and I went to get in line. 

Check out our eyeshadow.  GG has a color called Viking Green that's a little too dark for everyday wear but she decided it was the perfect color for wallowing in mud so that's what we wore.

At 9:30 the flames ignited...

and we were off!!

It took us 1 hour and 58 seconds to complete the entire 3.1 miles plus obstacles course.

Check out the wipe out behind us.

We were greeted at the finish line by people giving out Warrior Medals, water, and bananas.  We all became instant friends!

 After completing the race we donated our shoes to Green Sneakers...

graciously gave out mud hugs...

took a warrior's shower...
(In case you're wondering what that is exactly?  That's when you willingly stand in front of a man gleefully wielding a fireman's hose and let him pummel you with freezing water under the guise of getting clean...ish)

and sat down to enjoy our much anticipated turkey leg.  We were so excited to get our turkey legs we completely forgot to take pictures with our warrior helmets on!

The entire trip was a blast.  L and NG have already made plans to join us next year for a Warrior Dash 2013.  After we all got back to the truck we  grabbed some towels and made a make shift changing area so we could throw on some clean clothes for the ride home... 

and we're almost certain there wasn't anyone around to see (or record) it.  But should you happen to come across our parking lot escapade on youtube...well...vote for us!