Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Giggle: Martha vs. Maxine

So here's another funny little e-mail from the file. 

But first, has anyone seen the music video for Taylor Swift's song Ours?   The section of that video where she's trying to use the copier is absolutely hilarious to me.  I mean the kind of hilarious that makes me laugh out loud at the most inopportune time when most of the people around me expect my mind to be on more serious and appropriate subject matter. 

With that having been said it's back to the giggle.

Maxine vs. Martha       

Martha's Way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake!  You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

Martha's Way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's Way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine's Way: Go to the bakery!  They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's Way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up." 
Maxine's Way: If you over salt a dish while it's cooking, that's too bad.  Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it taste!"

Martha's Way: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting it in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine's Way: Celery?  Never heard of it!

Martha's Way: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine's Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Martha's Way: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.  The throbbing will go away.
Maxine's Way: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

Martha's Way: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves.  They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine's Way: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha's Way: Don't throw out all that leftover wine.  Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine's Way: Leftover wine?!?!?!  HEL-LO????

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