Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A Giggle: HoW tO kEep A HeaLtHy LeVEl Of iNsAniTy aND drIvE OtHeR PeoPLe iNsAnE

You know those funny e-mails everybody loves to send and receive?  Over the years I've gotten in the habit of printing my favorites and sticking them in a file.  Tonight I stumbled across that file and decided there was no point in having them if I don't share them. 

Since today was just one of those days, I thought this would be a good place to start:

HoW tO kEep A HeaLtHy LeVEl Of iNsAniTy aND drIvE OtHeR PeoPLe iNsAnE

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't bother to disguise your voice.)

Insist that your e-mail address be or

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "dedicated to my fans."

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Reply to everything someone says with "That's what you think."

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area.  Insist to others that you like it that way.

Dont use any punctuation

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are.

Specify that your drive thru order is "to go."  To increase the effectiveness, park your car and go through on foot.

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Find out where your boss shops and buy the exact same outfits.  Wear them one day after your boss does.  (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

Send an e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing.  For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

Pack a brick with you at all times and tell everyone it's for "just in case."

At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at the passing cars to see if they slow down.